Fostering is often described through what’s hard: trauma, systems, risk, complexity.
All of that is real. But it’s not the whole picture.
There is another side to fostering that deserves far more airtime. Strength.
The strength carers bring.
The strength social workers bring.
And the often-overlooked strength that young people in care bring into our homes and our lives, particularly those who are neurodivergent. I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and I have a very neurodivergent household. This isn’t something I tolerate or manage. It’s something I actively enjoy. Neurodivergent people feel at home here, and so do I. This blog isn’t theory for me; it’s lived experience. It’s part of my story, my fostering practice, and the way I see the world. As a neurodivergent foster carer, I’ve come to understand that the very things that can look like “difficult traits” on paper are often the things that make real change happen. I bring energy — sometimes a lot of it. I bring urgency.
And yes, I bring impatience.
That impatience can irritate people. But it’s not about being difficult; it’s about outcomes. If something isn’t working, or isn’t happening quickly enough, I don’t sit comfortably with “that’s just how it is.” I want to know why and more importantly, how we get to the end result anyway. That’s where my neurodivergent thinking comes in. When I’m faced with red tape or a barrier, I don’t just see the obstacle. I see the whole picture. Almost like a map in front of me. I can see where we’re trying to get to, and I can usually see several ways around the problem that aren’t obvious or conventional. They might not be written in policy in bold letters, but they are lawful, ethical, and effective.
I don’t stop at “computer says no.” I start asking, “Okay, how do we make this a yes?”
And time and time again, that way of thinking gets results, often quicker, and often better.
I have to think hard also how to get this done without being pushy, this takes a lot of energy, I won’t lie. What’s fascinating is that I see this same thinking in many of the young people I care for. Neurodivergent young people often don’t focus on barriers the way neurotypical adults do. They focus on the end goal. They already see it in their minds. The route might look unconventional, even unrealistic at first but if you sit with them and really listen, you realise they’ve already thought it through.
Where adults often see “That won’t work”, “There are too many obstacles” or “It’s not how we usually do things”.
Young people often see “This is where I’m going — now let’s work out how”. That kind of tunnel vision isn’t a flaw. It’s determination, creativity, and problem-solving. I once cared for a young person who was completely disengaged from school. School had become a place of failure, not learning. Sitting still, listening, writing. None of it worked. But this young person was a kinaesthetic learner. He needed to do, build, move, measure. And he had a clear vision of his future: he wanted to work in carpentry.
The initial response from systems was predictable; He must be in school. That’s not how education works. We can’t do that. But “can’t” wasn’t actually true. It was just familiar.
Working alongside the school, we created an arrangement where he attended school part-time and spent the rest of the week learning carpentry with a professional. Maths and English weren’t removed. They were embedded. Measurement, materials, planning, communication, qualifications. Real learning, in a real context.
Something remarkable happened. His confidence grew. His engagement grew.
School stopped being a place of constant failure and became somewhere he could succeed. He even began contributing practically back into the school environment, building, measuring, applying his skills, and gradually reintegrated more fully because he now believed he could.
Nothing about the expectations dropped. They became achievable. That shift didn’t come from lowering standards. It came from thinking differently.
This is where social pedagogy gets it right. Using shared interests, the common third, allows relationships, learning, emotional regulation, and confidence to grow naturally. Whether it’s carpentry, cooking, sport, music, mechanics, or art, these shared activities become the bridge.
For neurodivergent young people especially, this kind of learning is rich emotionally, socially, practically and relationally. It builds skills and connection at the same time.
None of this works without collaboration. Social workers bring safeguarding expertise, professional oversight, and navigation of complex systems. Foster carers bring lived experience, day-to-day insight, and relational depth. When we trust each other’s strengths, and when neurodiversity is understood rather than managed, young people benefit.
This isn’t about ignoring rules. It’s about using flexibility, creativity, and courage within them.
Neurodiversity in fostering isn’t a complication. It’s an asset.
It allows us to see possibilities where others see barriers, to hold boundaries while still being creative, and to prepare young people not just to be supported but to be capable. Fostering isn’t about rescuing children. It’s about recognising the strength they already carry and being strong enough as adults to walk alongside them until they can carry it for themselves.
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