Imagine you’re a young person in foster care who has just began to feel comfortable with their foster carers, and now they’re being told that they must move house.
That means a new school, a new family, almost a new life. The whole settling process becomes harder. Now imagine doing this again and again and again. In the Children’s Commissioner's stability index technical report of November 2020, 21% of young people have had to move three times in the span of 12 months. That is roughly 5,700 young people who have had to move to a new environment.
I have personally struggled to answer this question to myself, having moved around placements throughout my time in the system so far. Four places in the span of six years.
At first, I thought I understood about ‘temporary’ and ‘permanent’ placements, but now I do feel like maybe my expectations have been disrupted by this longing for belonging. Belonging can be strange, very subjective for everyone, but there is a fundamental structure for it: feeling like you fit in where you are, that you are loved where you are, that you are safe and wanted where you are. And change can ruin this for someone.
As someone who has moved around quite a bit, I feel as though I understand this well.
The first change was expected, moving to my first long-term placement from the short-term placement. That move was inevitable, as they were only short-term carers. My brother and I had respite with the ‘long-term’ placement, and it all seemed lovely. We went on day trips to Brighton, I helped look after their pets and, overall, it was enjoyable. Two months later, we moved in with them and, again, it seemed amazing. I very quickly felt comfortable with them, and as though I trusted them through and through. I had thought that I would stay there until I turned 18, and hopefully longer. Then one day, we were talking about universities, and they mentioned me moving out almost as soon as I turned 18. All that sense of belonging that I had built up over a year and a half had crumbled to ashes.
Then I moved a second time; This move I had hoped for. I wanted to leave the first ‘long-term’ placement. I moved to a family in Woking on Christmas Eve and they welcomed me warmly immediately. I remember feeling a surge of hope on that day; That maybe I could feel as though I belong there, with them.
And I did feel as though I belonged there.
They took me on my first holiday abroad; they helped get my passport sorted to make that happen, they introduced me to their family and friends relatively quickly and tried their hardest to make sure I felt secure and safe there. Everything was going smoothly, and we decided that we would try and get a house built out in Greece, as a substitute to having to buy rooms in a hotel each time. For the first time in a while, I felt like I truly belonged there and I thought that I would stay there until I’m 18 and even longer.
They had said that, even when I’m not a child in care, I could stay with them and they would help me with challenges such as finding work or a university, so I had surpassed the feeling of security I had with the first ‘long-term’ placement.
One day I found out that I would not be able to live with them anymore. There had been back-and-forth between my foster carers and my social worker at the time. Then the verdict was made, and my mental health completely deteriorated when I found out. We were supposed to have our Permanency meeting a while before, but it was postponed by my social worker, with the reason being my social worker had been overloaded with work. My foster carers and I had been wanting a new social worker — an anticipated change — however, it didn't come in the form that we had expected. I really did not want this change and, even worse, it was just as I was feeling as though I belonged.
Now, at my current ‘long-term’ placement, I do sometimes still have the fear and apprehension that maybe something will happen and I’d have to move. Due to my past experiences, I do find it hard to cope with change. But I have adapted, so it doesn’t impact me as much.
For some people they cannot adapt as quickly. They may have autism, which may include them needing routine, and the destruction of routine, by moving placement, could mean they become distressed, resulting in behaviour that could be seen as ‘problematic’. This ‘problematic behaviour’ would then go on their record. Meaning that, if they did have to move, it would not be easy because some people just aren’t ready to support them.
This leads more into the sense of belonging created by the carers. I believe that if one is not ready to face challenges — and not blame the child or give up — then the foster child may not be able to properly call that place home.
Home. It’s a very absurd concept. The Oxford English dictionary defines home as 'the place where a person or animal dwells'. This definition only considers the physical place of home, not the abstract nature that it is. For me ‘home’ is where one feels like they belong, where they’re loved and cared for and where they feel safe.
Sometimes, the placements do create an unreal idea. I feel as though, sometimes, a bit of reality for when a young child first moves in can make a massive impact on their life. It isn’t always about first impressions because they can get proven wrong. It can be really helpful if you keep living your life but just welcome them and include them, without making it seem forced.
I have had some challenging experiences and they do help a bit with building character but that isn’t exactly the most important thing. Sometimes, it is just being able to be happy. Even if it does mean putting difficulties behind you.
So, maybe you don’t have to belong in the place where you currently live. You could feel like you belong at a previous placement
But if you feel as though you’re cared for and safe, that’s what mainly matters.
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